Tuesday, March 3, 2015


Sorry it took so long to respond to this. Work has been crazy and
Douglas takes over my computer in the evenings. I have him on Cyn's
computer now for as long as that lasts. 

As far as the Doctor's appointments:  I am looking forward to getting
all the testing done. I missed a Sonogram on my stents once and never
rescheduled it. They can do that in latrobe now so no driving into
Pittsburgh, that's great by me.  I am always amazed by my blood
pressure. With as much stress and anxiety I am in, it's never high.
Don't know what that's about but it's one less thing to worry about.
At least for now.

I know money was a stressing point for Rick as was your needing things
to happen "now". But Rick also knew you. Knew how to handle those
things and not let it consume him. While making sure it did not
consume you. He truly did find his center. He worked to be balanced
and he was. You were the biggest part of that. Without you in his life
he would of had no balance. I am very proud of what he was able to
achieve in finding that balance in life.

I think of Rick every day as I know you do too. I think of the things
I'd like to say. The things that were not always spoken but, mutually
felt. But I can't now. Those things will have to wait until I see him
again. I am  still having problem with the crying. Everytime I start
to leave it go. It's like the tears and pain are being yanked back out
of my reach. I still feel it's Rick doing that. He's not letting me
fall off that emotional cliff. It's nice to know I am being watched
out for but, it's also building up inside. I need to find an outlet
for that.

I am also so very thankful for finding you at 7 Springs. A
non-judgmental friendship is not easy to find. Being able to be me and
have it be enough is the best feeling in the world. I will always be
here for you no matter what.

I need to get of 7 springs, that is for sure. Tired of this type of
work. It's not fun anymore. I like the people and even the place
sometimes but, the job is too stressful. Not sure what else to do
though. Cyn and I keep talking about options. I don't think it would
take too much to get her to move. Just have to see what happens. We
had a guy stop over the weekend and he is interested in buying
property in the area. Cyn has his number. Don't know where that will
go, if anywhere.

I am amazed Douglas let me sit here and type without bugging me to use
my computer. 

Are you flying or driving back for your 2 month stay?

Begs to be repeat; I will always be here for you no matter what.

Love you,


-----Original Message-----
From: Martha Murphy [mailto:m3@wakingbearstudio.com]
Sent: Thursday, February 26, 2015 6:01 PM
To: Dan Sarver
Subject: some thoughts

Like you I have so many thoughts and sometimes it drives me crazy not
being able to turn everything off.  First and foremost, I am glad to
know you are making an effort to get a Dr. appointment and get
yourself checked out.  You are doing this for yourself and your

Secondly, although I may not know everything about you and Rick, I
knew a pretty good history and I loved you both anyway.  We are human
and full of mistakes and forgotten promises.  We redeem ourselves by
trying not to cross those typical choices again.

I wish I knew better what I know now and that my stressing about money
and making it here was probably hard on Rick.  That was never my
intention and often Fear takes hold of me and it is hard for me to not
let this happen.

Your coming down to pick me up and drive back down with me was a gift
I can never repay.  It was thoughtful and kind and I might not have
been able to do it by myself.  It is scary sometimes being alone and I
don't want to feel scared.

I am planting 13 blueberry bushes next week to honor our goals of
making things work here.  I like the number 13 as in a positive light
it means.....New Beginnings.  I am hopeful for new beginnings here and
in my heart, I do believe that your brother had a purpose in getting
me here.  We did have 7 wonderful months that I will cherish in my
memory bank.  I loved your brother for so many reasons, mostly that he
helped me to feel okay about myself and that he was so supportive with
my family.  I regret that there will be no contact with Linda and that
is not my choice.

I hope for you and Cyn, that you both find some happiness and
stability coming your way.  I pray for you and Rick every night
because I have never felt judged by either of you.  I miss the thought
of your being able to come here and spend time with Rick.  I am just
glad this past summer you came down with us and we were a family for
that time.  It was good to see both of you together. Forgive him and
yourself and you will become so much lighter and brighter.  You were
my friend (my one and only really) and got me through my times at 7
Springs.  Thank you for helping me get through this with Rick.



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