Say Something

I would have given everything I possessed
material and spiritual
to have made that day on the beach different
If we are lucky and find the right one
we become one person
and our lives are so entwined
that verbal communication is hardly necessary
There is Nothing I would not have done
to make that day on the beach different
except, some miracle would have happened
and the people who extended every energy they had
would have saved you
selfish me. wanting you to be here longer
daily remembering of what I have because of you
Love, Acceptance and Grief
I dread going to bed without you
except the dog you chose
Indigo faces me nightly
to wash the tears from my face
sometimes I think,she is you
soft paw on my face
a quiet sigh and she tries to calm me to sleep
She chose you, and now she chooses me
a reminder to rest and face another day
with resilience and fortitude and above all
my main goal to make you proud and
to feel that I am worthwhile saving  with your grace and comfort

Please Stay

I begged you on the beach that day
please stay, don't die
I will fall apart without you
I knew the moment that you kneeled
in the sand and shells
that your beautiful heart
had stopped beating
I watched the rise and fall
of the people who tried so desperately
to help you
I watched completely helpless and also hopeless
I wanted another 40 years of love with you
My heart broke with yours on the beach too
Begging you to stay was not enough
Sometimes
not matter what we do, it is not enough

Angels

Sometimes we are sent angels
we do not always recognize them
sometimes they look human
or the flight of a bird reminds us
of their presence
today an angel visited me
and told me a story of how his life was 5 years ago
that a stranger had given him $100 just as a gift
this person who came today
is actually a friend of yours
someone who wants to put in a window for me
he told me of the gift he got 5 years ago
to my astonishment
he handed me $500
and told me to finish the room that RIck and I had started
I can't get over being astonished
that a complete stranger would reach out like that to me
I know the lesson is
to be more like this person
I will do my best

Thank your for sending both carpenters my direction......our chance meeting on the beach this summer has led me to believe that nothing is really chance after all

Strong

At first I thought
I must make Rick proud of me
show my strength
muddle on through
now I find shells in unlikely places
like reminders
don't do it the same way
try approaching it from a different angle
don't forget to include me
as I will always help you even when I am no longer seen
so now I see
I can be strong
and still ask for help
Love is everywhere
and people can be generous
just because they want to be
I want my purpose
to become more like them

Wings

Wings, I am searching for the wings
I know they are here somewhere
and tentative steps have been taken
to finding some solace
that the love I found
was a huge part of my learning to fly
we truly do not know how much
we love someone
until they are no longer here
I am finding shells
in the oddest of places
almost like a treasure hunt
I found him and I will hope
he can keep my heart whole and happy

Sorrow song

I wake with sorrow
heavy in my heart
a slowing of my whole being
then the memory
that Indigo now sleeps on his pillow
and Moses guards the bottom of the bed
I feel that Rick too is guarding me
trying when he can
to guide me and to soothe
my anguish in small miracle ways

Today
as a reminder
I will try to remember when I might have smiled
or thought of him with a memory
that fills my heart with sheer joy
He brought so much to me
and I need to keep that present
in my every action for myself
and most importantly
for others

I am so blessed
with those who have been guiding
and caring for me
remembering Julie's birthday
and the tears I shed this morning
when I realized that Stump stick had died

Right now I hope to learn
to appreciate each kind gesture
and find ways to reciprocate the love
that is around me

Rain

Memory
lost and confused beaver
washed down from too much rain
wandering Ocean Isle Beach
Our attempts to save him
instead he became a part of Rick Page
All heart
resilient and hard working
vanishing into the ocean
just as my tears
spring from the winter clouds