Friday, February 6, 2015

Please let me call you back to me

The morning of the 28th of December of 2014 started later than usual as we enjoyed time to sleep in and to drowse in the morning sun that seeped through our bedroom window.  Rick was his usual loving self and made our morning ritual of coffee that we shared in our our living room.  We sipped steaming cups of coffee and marveled at another beautiful day to boast of in Shallotte.  Sharing unusual gratitude that morning we reflected on how fortunate we were/are to have the handful of friends and family that meant so much to us.  We felt humbled by these thoughts.

With much thought, a walk on the beach with the dogs came to mind so we hopped into the red truck, called our friend Vickie and were on our way.  On our way, Rick talked alot about my needing to get back on track with better eating, trying out Yoga and making lifestyle changes.  In hindsight, he never referred to himself.  Once at the beach, he headed out in the opposite direction of Vickie and me because he had Moses to handle.

Vickie and I let Indigo and Luke play in the surf and we too talked about making changes in our lives in our hopes of becoming healthier and happier for 2015.  Eventually we turned around and met back up with Rick who had just taken an unusual photo of a lone beaver on the beach.  A few days before we had a ton of rain and this poor fellow was in the wrong type of water and thoroughly confused.  A crowd had gathered and someone had made a phone call to Animal Control.  Their response was to do nothing.

After some discussion in the group it was decided we would try and trap the beaver in a large garbage can and then take him home with us to our fresh water pond.  Even among these strangers we all came to the same conclusion.  A few people went to find a garbage can while Rick moved the red truck closer to where the beaver was moving.  Once we all got back on the beach we lay the garbage can on its side and the beaver was slightly in the surf.

Rick had a net and he moved towards the beaver who in turn ran through his net.  He turned to me and I could see that something was desperately wrong.  His face was gray and in that startled instant he said:  "Wow, I must have gotten scared.".......He then moved a few more feet and crumbled to the sand.  I screamed for Vickie to come help because I knew he was having a heart attack  We got him on his back and among this group of people, two were nurses and one was a Physician's Assistant.  They worked on him for 20 minutes before the EMT's arrived.  I think I knew the instant he landed in the sand that he was gone.  When I looked for the beaver, it had disappeared.

I remember running up the sand towards the walkway crying under my breath....."Please don't die" and I repeated this mantra endlessly.  They had life flight waiting and yet I knew with a certainty that he was already gone.  I remember feeling so cold and frightened and most of all frightened for him.  Once we got to the flight pad I was told he was gone.

I was there when my mother passed away and still the sheer shock of this day will never leave my mind.  The person I loved most in the world was gone in an instant and it seemed like an impossibility.  My entire world shattered into a million little pieces and now my life task is putting those pieces back in some semblance of order.

The next day at the funeral home, I am glad I went back in to see him.  He looked like he was peacefully sleeping and he looked like himself.  My shattered self holds him close to my heart.  I feel sometimes he is helping me and will stay with me until I don't need him as much.  He brought so much to my life in terms of positive change that I can only be grateful for the time I had with him.......We all wish the best things would last so much longer.

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