First

It is a year of firsts
first hour without him
falling asleep while touching his pillow
first time the phone rang
and I could only wish it was him
first meltdown
one day, months later
laughing over something ridiculous
a foreign sound that startles me
first birthday without him
small tasks completed
he can only watch and praise
in his silence
there are too many firsts to count
I have watered our property
with salty tears
I say out loud
thank you for all your gifts, your life and love
and I remember the first time he
told me he loved me
and there were tears of joy then
how different tears can be
I hold these memories
relive the joyful moments
and that is a first too