Redemption

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Martha Murphy

1 min · Shallotte, NC · 

I feel as though I am shedding my skin
like a snake does
slowly but surely changing
feeling tired and lethargic while the transformation is happening
loading all of Rick's remote airplane equipment today
I know he held each one tenderly at some point
like he did me
my family is here and they can only partly comprehend
it is stressful, joyful and sorrowful all in day
a roller coaster ride I would not wish upon anyone
floating in the ocean
imagining him holding me in the warmth of the waters
I don't want to get out
my soul yearns to hold onto the peaceful calm of the waters
his voice inside me telling me it will always be okay
I hold my faith in my broken heart
small pieces crumbling away as I give parts of him away
In less than 8 months, I have given up all that was closest to my heart
there must be a reason
I try not to question the motivation
sometimes if feels impossible
not to wonder why or think what have I done to deserve this?
Is it a punishment or redemption?
For now, i try every moment not to question why
I search for answers of how I will make it through