Saturday, August 22, 2015


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    I feel as though I am shedding my skin
    like a snake does
    slowly but surely changing
    feeling tired and lethargic while the transformation is happening
    loading all of Rick's remote airplane equipment today
    I know he held each one tenderly at some point
    like he did me
    my family is here and they can only partly comprehend
    it is stressful, joyful and sorrowful all in day
    a roller coaster ride I would not wish upon anyone
    floating in the ocean
    imagining him holding me in the warmth of the waters
    I don't want to get out
    my soul yearns to hold onto the peaceful calm of the waters
    his voice inside me telling me it will always be okay
    I hold my faith in my broken heart
    small pieces crumbling away as I give parts of him away
    In less than 8 months, I have given up all that was closest to my heart
    there must be a reason
    I try not to question the motivation
    sometimes if feels impossible
    not to wonder why or think what have I done to deserve this?
    Is it a punishment or redemption?
    For now, i try every moment not to question why
    I search for answers of how I will make it through

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